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my site: ICQ: them: websites: |
hrm, well... there is so much to talk about, it's been an eternity since I've even written anything. First, let me say that I am moving... woohoo.
Far far from this place I've called home for four years. I will be going to New Brunswick, New Jersey. In an apartment just down the street from Rutgers. I promise I will tell more, I just can't because I have to get ready for work.
Yes, I still have that little boy job, the paper route, but not for long.
And, sorry for the old page look, dont have anything on my computer that will allow me to work on something new. I shall have a new computer set up in, let's see... 15 days, 15 hours.
I am angry, an anger that seethes and boils and has no way of being released. I can do nothing about this anger except write. And, even that seems useless. The thing that is weighing heaviest on my mind at this moment is war.
Why?
Sending our men and women to kill will prove what? People have told me that it’s for our freedom. I’m having trouble because I don’t see how killing more people will give us freedom. For me freedom is ours, we have freedom. If we sink to the level that the terrorists sank, then we are no better than they are.
This is where my stupid thinking comes to a fizzle. I sat there last night thinking that we should kill the people responsible for this attack. But, I couldn’t imagine sending someone over to bomb the hell out of the country. If it comes back to jabbing out an eye, does that mean that our air force should bomb two of their tallest structures and a building similar to the pentagon? For that matter, should we shoot down a plane as it takes off?
I got in a heated argument with my father last night, because he’s willing to support war. He said that killing in a war is ok. When I asked why it’s not ok to abort a baby, he said that was murder. I tried to ask him if he thought that killing someone in another country wasn’t the same thing. Wasn’t killing anyone murder? He said again, that it was ok to kill someone in war then he looked at me, smiled slowly and walked away.
Later I asked him why he smiled. Was it because I had a passion for something or that he thought I was making a stupid point? He explained that he couldn’t understand my train of thought.
I really don’t know where this jumbled feeling comes from. I’m too old to be sent to war, so I don’t have to worry about that. I knew of only one person who lived in New York and he’s fine. The only other thing that bothered me was the fact that I remembered standing at the top of the World Trade Center, remembered running into not one, but two people from West Covina. One of them was a guy I went to school with. That building was a symbol of freedom, of America, of a nation. That’s what makes me mad. That is what makes me cry even as I write this.
But, somewhere deep inside of me is a voice asking if it’s really enough to go to war over.
Please someone tell me why war is what we should do. Email me at bastard@bastardgenres.com
I'm having a horrible feeling that its not over. That this nightmare that began at 8am yesterday morning is going to be with us forever.
Being online puts us in touch with so many people, from all over the world. Amazingly enough, only one person that I know actually lives in New York. He was telling me that NYC is in lock down,he lives in Spanish Harlem and he says it's silent, except for the occasional emergency vehicle that zooms down his street.
He spent most of the day at his window watching in disbelief the clouds of smoke covering the city. We spent most of last night trying to take our minds off what had happened.
My day included mostly sitting in front of the computer with my tv on, watcing and switching channels in morbid fascination. Having to turn off the tv around 2 because I actually had scheduled a job interview in the morning.
The truth of the matter is that those of us not in lower manhattan have to get on with our lives, we have to get and keep jobs, we will continue with websites, and playing games. The only thing is we will also have to realize that destruction and terror has actually come to our shores.
Watching this morning I noticed that new york looks a little like a bad movie, unfortunately its not. It looked like Bosnia, sadly... its reality. I'm also thinking would I have the courage that some of the passengers on the plane that crashed in a field to do what they supposedly did. Would I have the courage to remain in the WTC and collapse with it, or jump. Lots of questions boggle in my mind. I'm just stumped and slowly coming out of my fog. |